Casino Money ( Joke )

A man spent a weekend gambling in Las Vegas casinos, and he won $100,000. He didn't want anyone to know about it, so whan he came back home, he immediately went out to the backyard of his house, dug a hole and planted the money in it.

 

The next morning he walked outside and found only an empty hole. He noticed footsteps leading from the hole to the house next door, which was owned by a deaf-mute. On the same street lived a professor who understood sign language and was a friend of the deaf man. Grabbing his pistol, the enraged man went to awaken the professor and dragged him to the deaf man's house. He screamed at the professor:

 

"You tell this guy that if he doesn't give me back my money I'll kill him!"

 

The professor conveyed the message to his friend, and his friend replied in sign language: "I hid it in my backyard, underneath the cherry tree."

 

The professor turned to the man with the gun and said: "He's not going to tell you. He said he'd rather die first."

Joke: Useless weapon

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he is walking with a limp.

"What happened to you? asks Sean the bartender.

"Jamie O Conner and me had a fight." says Paddy.

"That little shit, O Conner " says Sean  "He couldn’t do that to you, he must of had something in his hand."

"That he did. says Paddy ''a shovel is what he had, and a terrible licken he gave me with it"

"Well'' says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn’t you have something in your hand?"

''That I did'' said Paddy..."Mrs. O Conner's Chest, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."

short jokes

I wrote your name on sand, it got washed I wrote your name in air, it was blown away, then I wrote your name on my heart and I got heart attack.

God saw me hungry, he created pizza

He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi

He saw me in dark, he created light

He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

You should know what you are

And once you know what you are

Mental hospital is not so far.

The rain makes all things beautiful, the grass and flowers too

If rain makes all things beautiful, why doesnt it rain on you?

Roses are red, violets are blue Monkeys like you should be kept in zoo

Dont feel so angry you will find me there too

Not in cage but laughing at you.

Technique of Unlocking the Door

One night a man and his date were about to go into his apartment after a night on the town. Before he could open his door, his date put her hand on his arm, and said, "Wait a minute. Did you know that I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door?"

I'm not sure, replied her partner, "give me an example!"

The first way, she tells him, "is if a man shoves his key in the lock and opens the door hard! That means he's a rough lover and that isn't for me. The second way," she continues, "is if a man fumbles around and can't seem to find the hole. That means he's inexperienced and that isn't for me either! Which brings us to you,", she smiles. "How do you unlock your door?"

"Well", her friend replies, "Before I do anything else, I lick the lock FIRST."

Wife: Main bazar ja

Wife: "Main bazar ja rahi hoon, mujhe 50 Rupay ki zaroorrat hai!"
Husband (ghusay se): "Tumhen Rupay se ziada aqal ki zaroorat hai!"
Wife: "Aapse wohi cheez mangi hai, jo aap k pass mojood hai!"

Tumhari Girl friend ka sms mila hai

Tumhari Girl friend ka sms mila hai 


kahti hai koi patthar se na maare mere deewana ko 


twenty first century hai 


bomb se uda do saale ko.