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Sunday, March 27, 2011

Funny one liners

*   I asked my new girlfriend what sort of books she's interested in,

 she said: Cheque books.

 

 *   The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the

 prices of new car.

 

 *   What is the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into

 men when they drink.

 

  *   What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?

 A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

 

 *   Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute

 and then expects your pulse to be normal.


   *   Boss: We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on

 the mat as you came in? New employee: Yes, sir.

 Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat.

 

 *   Q: Why dogs don't marry?

A: Because they are already leading a  dog's  life!

 

 *   Q: What's the diff between mother & wife? A: One woman brings you

 into the world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so.

 

 *   Santa enters kitchen, opens sugar container, looks inside and

 closes it. He does this again and again. Why?

Because his Doctor told him to check sugar level regularly.

 

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out funny one liners.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

SPRING CLEAN YOUR SPIRIT

SPRING CLEAN YOUR SPIRIT!

(An Excerpt from Betty Mahalik's Book 'Living a Five Star Life'!)

Spring is the time when many people deep clean their homes, unload unwanted junk, pull out the lawn furniture and spruce up the landscaping. It's also a great time to do a spring-cleaning of your spirit, especially pulling the weeds of unforgivingness.

I'm often amazed at the kind of garbage we humans choose to willingly drag around with us in the form of grudges, painful memories, and other types of mental and spiritual debris from the past that we refuse to release. We won't forgive the ex-spouse who treated us shabbily.

We refuse to let go of the slights and unfairness of a situation at work, church or some other group we're a part of. We continue to beat ourselves up for past mistakes.

The costs of our unwillingness to let go are huge. On a metaphysical level what we focus on tends to expand. So if you have something from the past that you've refused to let go of, you've probably recreated a similar experience for yourself if you've focused on it intently. When you continue to "lick the wound" you bring more misery upon yourself.


On a more rational level, why let someone from your past (whoever it is) continue to hurt you and potentially rob you of an extraordinary present and future? Remember, that which you hold onto (your hurt, resentment, grudge, unforgivingness, pain) is actually holding onto you...keeping you stuck. From a health standpoint, need I remind you that there have been studies—enough to fill volumes—on the health risks of unforgivingness: ulcers, heart problems, eating disorders and more...virtually any physical ailment has the potential of being rooted in an unforgiving spirit.



Ask yourself the following questions:

How am I benefiting by holding onto the past?
(Remember there's always a "pay–off" to your behavior.)

How would I benefit by letting go of the experience and practicing forgivingness?

Who is really paying for my unwillingness to forgive?

What is the lesson for me here?

Many are still dragging around old business, allowing the past to drain them of present energy and future possibilities. It's a bit like trying to drive forward while constantly keeping your foot on the brake and your eyes on the rear-view mirror.

If you're ready to do a thorough spring-cleaning, start with your spirit. Let go of the past, forgive people (including yourself!) so you can learn your lessons and finally move on. Prepare to watch new growth unfold in your life. Why not take nature's cue and start anew?


Courtesy: Simple Truths
Aano bhadra krtavo yantu vishwatah.(- RIG VEDA)
"Let noble thoughts come to me from all directions"


Xcellent Mail… Crazy Answers…

1. What is height of Fashion?
Dhoti with a zip

2. What is height of Secrecy?
Offering blank visiting cards.

3. What is height of laziness?
Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.

4. What is height of Craziness?
Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.

5. What is height of Forgetfulness?
Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him/her last.

6. What is height of Stupidity?
A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.

7. What is height of Honesty?
A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.

8. What is height of Suicide?
A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.

9. What is height of De-hydration?
A cow giving milk powder.

10. Plan For Future: Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future?

Ahmed : I want 2 b a pilot.

James : I want 2 b a doctor.

Deepa: I want 2 b a good mother.

Asif : I want 2 help Deepa .

11. Exams: Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS ?

1) Too Many Questions.
2) Difficult to Understand.
3) More Explanation is Needed.
4) Result is always FAIL!

12. Lier : A man is dying of Cancer. His son asked him, “Dad, why do u keep telling people u’re dying of AIDS?”
Answer: “So when I’m dead no one will dare touch ur mom”

13. Delivered : Sardar sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Two seconds later a report came to his phone and he started dancing.
The report said, “DELIVERED”.

14. Three Feelings : What’s the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant.
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant.
Panic is when both are pregnant.


15. The Equation :
7 Glance = 1 Smile
7 Smile = 1 Meeting
7 Meeting = 1 Kiss
7 Kisses = 1 Proposal
7 Proposal = 1 Marriage
And that 1 Bloody marriage has 777777777777 problems.
So beware of Glance!

16. Teacher to Sardar, “Where were U born?”

Sardar : In Tiruvanantapuram.
Teacher : Spell it?
Sardar : (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA.

17. Santa : People consider me as a “GOD”

Banta : How do you know??
Santa : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD ! U came again….

18. Sardar complained 2 Police : Sir all items are missing, except the TV in my house.

Police : How the theif did not take TV???
Sardar : I was watching TV na….

19. Thought for the Day!!!
If you call your mother as MUM.. What will you call Mother’s younger sis and elder sis?
Answer : MINIMUM & MAXIMUM

20. Tihar Jail ordered 999 Shirts and 1000 Pants for its inmates.
Tell why this odd combination?
Answer : Bcos SALMAN KHAN is coming and He hardly wear SHIRTs!!!

21. Do you know the similarity between “Dinosaurs” & “Decent Boys”
Answer: Both dont exist on earth !!!

22. When do you congratulate someone for their Mistake?
Answer : On their Wedding !!

23. Whats the height of Intelligence?
Answer : A 99 year old Sardar going for HUTCH ka naya lifetime scheme

Mistakes and Mistakes

Mistakes and Mistakes
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If a teacher makes a mistake ,
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If our boss makes a mistake,
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If an employee makes a mistake,
It is a
Mistake Only
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Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Heart Touching Inspiring Quotes About Life......................

Famous Quote #1
People are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be.
Abraham Lincoln
-------------------------------------------
 

Famous Quote #2
Everyone has problems, some are just better at hiding them.
Unknown
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Famous Quote #3
If we did all the things that we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.
Thomas Edison
-------------------------------------------
 

Famous Quote #4
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.
Dennis P. Kimbro
-------------------------------------------
 

Famous Quote #5
Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.
Thich Nhat Hahn
-------------------------------------------
 

Famous Quote #6
Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day, in all the thousand small uncaring ways.
Stephen Vincent Benét
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Famous Quote #7
Only by going too far can one possibly find out how far one can go.
Jon dyer
-------------------------------------------
 

Famous Quote #8
People only see what they are prepared to see.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
-------------------------------------------
 

Famous Quote #9
Don't be afraid to fail because only through failure do you learn to succeed.
Unknown
-------------------------------------------
 

Famous Quote #10
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
-------------------------------------------
 

Famous Quote #11
Learn from the mistakes of others.
You can't live long enough to make them all yourself
Unknown
-------------------------------------------
 

Famous Quote #12
The tongue weighs practically nothing,
But so few people can hold it.
-------------------------------------------
 

Famous Quote #13
It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone- but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
-------------------------------------------
 

Famous Quote #14
Always put yourself in the other's shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the person too.
 
-------------------------------------------
 

Famous Quote #15
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Love is a commitment


Love is a commitment
by Rogerio Miranda


A cry, a silence.
And a rant in a vacuum,
an encounter with reality
and an empty truth ...
 
A meeting, a farewell.
And leaving a wound
who tricked the life ...
 
A hidden truth
a forgotten detail
in a corner in life
and a wounded heart ...
 
What is love without a delivery
without the commitment to truth
a look that can not see
that life is lost in vain ...

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Part...1...The Mammoth Story


Elephants are the largest living land mammals. There have
Part 1: Elephants
been more than 500 different kinds of elephants on the Earth at
various times over the last 55 million years. Only two of these
remain alive today: the African Elephant and the Asian (or
http://img545.imageshack.us/img545/6896/83434032.jpgIndian) Elephant. They are restricted to tropical climates, but
other species, living long ago, were more adapted to colder
climates. These include the mammoths. The remains of four of
the extinct species have been found in British Columbia: the
Woolly Mammoth, the Columbia Mammoth, the Imperial Mammoth and the Mastodon.
In northern areas of the world, mammoth finds tend to cluster in
time periods when exposed soil and moisture were moving
sediments downslope and especially when sediments are
moving in front of glaciers. Ironically, these were times when
mammoths were not particularly abundant, but it was more
likely that bones lying on the ground would get buried during
these conditions. It is this situation that has preserved many of
the fossils found in British Columbia.
Frozen mummified mammoths have been found in Siberia and Alaska. The most famous are
the Siberian Beresovka mammoth (excavated in 1901), the Dina mammoth (a complete
carcass of a six-month-old baby discovered in 1977) and a mummified baby mammoth, less
than three months old, found in Siberia in 1988. No frozen mammoths have been found in
British Columbia. Most of the finds here are molars, tusks or leg bones; only a few times
have substantial portions of a mammoth skeleton been found.
How closely related were these ancient beasts to the modern elephants? The order of mammals
that includes modern and fossil elephants is called Proboscidea. The name derives
from the Greek words pro for "before" and boskein, meaning "to feed". The earliest
proboscideans were plant eaters about as big as a pig or cow. They did not have tusks and
are defined by characteristics such as the cusp patterns on their teeth and the architecture
of the skull. Modern day manatees (sea cows) and hyraxes shared this common ancestor with
elephants before they began to spread from Africa about 50 million years ago.
The elephants that came to the western hemisphere include the gomphotheres, the mammut
(mastodon) and mammuthus (Southern Mammoth, Steppe Mammoth and Woolly Mammoth).
Some scientists lump the northern mid-latitude mammoths under the name Steppe Mammoth,
while others see distinct types adapted to regional environments,
such as the Imperial Mammoth of the wetter
coastal regions.
The modern Asian and African elephants began to
evolve as different species before about two million
years ago. It was after this that the mammoths diverged
from the Asian Elephants. The Woolly Mammoth was,
therefore, more closely related to the Asian Elephant
than the African. As there is one know case of a pair of
Asian and African elephants producing a live (albeit
short-lived) offspring, it may have been possible for a
Woolly Mammoth to cross-breed with an Asian Elephant
if the former were alive today. And it would not be preposterous
to consider the
prospect of impregnatinghttp://img59.imageshack.us/img59/574/12606145.jpg
a living female Asian
Elephant with viable genetic material from a frozen mammoth
to create a living elephant-mammoth hybrid. Unfortunately,
the genetic material found in frozen mammoths so far has not
been complete enough to attempt this procedure.
Mammoths were comparable
in size to the largest living
elephant, the Savannah Elephant, an African subspecies,
which weighs 4 to 7 tons and is 3 to 4 metres tall at the shoulder.
The other African subspecies, the Forest Elephant, is
substantially smaller, weighing 2 to 4 tons. The Asian Elephant
has three subspecies, the Sri Lankan (3 to 5 tons), Mainland
(2.5 to 4.5 tons) and Sumatran (2 to 4 tons). All have different
characteristics, such as skin colour, ear and tusk shape, and
bone structure.
Mammoths had spiral locks of black or dark brown guard hairs covering shorter, silkier
underfur. Both males and females had tusks. The trunk of a Woolly Mammoth had a hand-like
tip that would have been very effective in gathering short grasses or scooping up snow to
expose plants. Male mammoths matured at about age 20; we can tell they matured slowly by
examining the growth layers in their teeth.
Most mammoth finds in British Columbia are fossilized molar teeth. Besides the tusks, which
are really incisor teeth, an elephant uses only two pairs of molars (upper and lower) at any one
time. Each molar is replaced with a larger one up to six times during the elephant's life. When
the last molar is worn down, the elephant cannot eat and dies. An African Elephant can live
50 to 60 years before its last set of molars wears down; but the teeth of an Asian Elephant
take longer to wear, so it can live up to 80 years.
A mammoth's teeth were high-crowned and complex, more so than teeth of living elephants.
Efficient use of sparse, low-quality winter forage was critical to survival, and any additional
grinding surface was an advantage in chewing grass and leaves and slowing down tooth
wear. Over time, loops of enamel were added until mammoth teeth from the late Pleistocene
became the most complex of any proboscidian.
Mammoths were ideally suited for the grassy steppes of the northern hemisphere. How did
they come to North America, and why did they die off? How do we know as much as we do
about mammoths?


Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Grounds for Divorce

An old but interesting story for you.
Grounds for Divorce ? 
 A judge was interviewing a woman regarding
her pending divorce, and asked,
"What are the grounds for your divorce?"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in
the middle of the property with a stream running by."
 
"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?""It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," 
she responded.

"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"
"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town,
and so do my husband's parents."

He said, "Do you have a real grudge?" 
"No," she replied,
"We have a two-car carport
and have never really needed one."


"Please. . ." he tried again,
"is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets.
We don't necessarily like the music,
but the answer to your question is yes." 
"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes," she responded, 
"about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do." 
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, 
"Lady, why do you want a divorce?"
 
"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. 
"I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. 
He says he can't communicate with me !!"
 

Sunday, March 6, 2011

30 Quotes from Famous Love Poems



1) With the earth and the sky and the water, 
remade, like a casket of gold 
For my dreams of your image that blossoms 
a rose in the deeps of my heart.
          -The Rose in the Deeps of His Heart
                   William Butler Yeats
2) Come live with me and be my love,
And we will all the pleasures prove,
That valleys, groves, hills and fields,
Woods or steepy mountains yields.
          -The Passionate Shepherd to His Love
          Christopher Marlowe
3) Her gesture, motion, and her smiles,
Her wit, her voice my heart beguiles,
Beguiles my heart, I know not why,
And yet, I'll love her till I die.
          -There is a lady sweet and kind
          Thomas Ford

4) i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling
                                      i fear
         - i carry your heart with me
          e.e. cummings
5) I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith. 
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,--I love thee with the breath, 
Smiles, tears, of all my life!--and, if God choose, 
I shall but love thee better after death.
          - How Do I Love Thee?
          Elizabeth Barrett Browning
6) I wish I could remember the first day,
First hour, first moment of your meeting me;
If bright or dim the season it might be;
Summer or winter for aught I can say.
So, unrecorded did it slip away,
So blind was i to see and to forsee,
So dull to mark the budding of my tree
That would not blossom, yet, for many a May.          

            - The First Day
            Christina Rossetti
7) Drink to me, only with thine eyes
And I will pledge with mine;
Or leave a kiss but in the cup,
And I'll not look for wine.
The thirst that from the soul doth rise
Doth ask a drink divine:
But might I of Jove's nectar sup
I would not change for thine.
          - Song: To Celia
          Ben Jonson
8) Love is not love,
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
Oh, no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests.. and is never shaken.
          - Sonnet CXVI
          William Shakespeare
9) Her voice is low and sweet 
 And she's all the world to me
And for bonnie Annie Laurie
I'd lay me down and die.                  

            - Annie Laurie 
            William Douglas
10) Neither love me for
Thine own dear pity's wiping my cheeks dry,
A creature might forget to weep, who bore
Thy comfort long, and lose thy love, thereby!
But love me for love's sake, that evermore
Thou mayst love on, through love's eternity.
          - Sonnets from the Portuguese, XIV
          Elizabeth Barrett Browning
11) She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
          - She Walks In Beauty Like the Night
          Lord Tennyson

12) How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true;
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face.
          - When You Are Old
          William Butler Yeats

13) This feeling is like a wonderful sting.
I want this feeling to hold me captive.
I wouldn't give this up, not even for all four seasons to be spring.
It doesn't need to be masked as attractive,
This unstable beautiful pain is mine, its what I want, what I need!
          - A Wonderful Sting
          David P. Leverett

14) My love is as a fever, longing still
For that which longer nurseth the disease,
Feeding on that which doth preserve the ill,
Th' uncertain sickly appetite to please.
My reason, the physician to my love,
Angry that his prescriptions are not kept,
Hath left me, and I desperate now approve
Desire is death, which physic did except.
          - My love is as a fever – Sonnet 147
          William Shakespeare

15) Were spirits free from mortal mesh
And love not bound in hearts of flesh
No aching breasts would yearn to meet
And find their ecstasy complete.

For who is there that lives and knows
The secret powers by which he grows?
          - Because She Would Ask Me Why I Loved Her?
          Christopher Brennan

16) Where true Love burns Desire is Love's pure flame;
It is the reflex of our earthly frame,
That takes its meaning from the nobler part,
And but translates the language of the heart.
          - Desire
          Samuel Taylor Coleridge

17) I love thee as I love the tone
    Of some soft-breathing flute
Whose soul is wak'd for me alone,
    When all beside is mute.
          - I Love Thee
          Eliza Acton

18) I count no more my wasted tears;
   They left no echo of their fall;
I mourn no more my lonesome years;
   This blessed hour atones for all.
I fear not all that Time or Fate
   May bring to burden heart or brow,—
Strong in the love that came so late,
   Our souls shall keep it always now!
          - At Last
          Elizabeth Akers Allen

19) My love is such that Rivers cannot quench,
Nor ought but love from thee, give recompence.
Thy love is such I can no way repay,
The heavens reward thee manifold I pray. 
          - To My Dear and Loving Husband
          Anne Bradstreet

20) Love seeketh not Itself to please,
Nor for itself hath any care;
But for another gives its ease,
And builds a Heaven in Hells despair.
          - The Clod and the Pebble
          William Blake

21) I never saw so sweet a face
As that I stood before.
My heart has left its dwelling place
And can return no more.
          - First Love
          John Clare

21) Well: Love and Pain
Be kinfolks twain;
Yet would, Oh would I could Love again.
          - A Song of Love
          Sidney Lanier

22) You & I, Love, together we ratify the silence,
while the sea destroys its perpetual statues,
collapses its towers of wild speed and whiteness:

because in the weavings of those invisible fabrics,
galloping water, incessant sand,
we make the only permanent tenderness.
          - Love Sonnet IX
          Pablo Neruda

23) Oh, may your silhouette never dissolve on the beach;
may your eyelids never flutter into the empty
distance.
Don't leave me for a second, my dearest.
          - Love Sonnet XLV
          Pablo Neruda

24) He brought me to the banqueting house,
and his banner over me was love.
Stay me with flagons, comfort me with apples:
for I am sick of love. 
          - The Rose of Sharon
          Solomon

25) Beauty and love are all my dream;
They change not with the changing day;
Love stays forever like a stream
That flows but never flows away;
          - Beauty and Love
          Andrew Young

25) But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.
          - If You Forget Me
          Pablo Neruda

26) Then came a moment of renaissance,
I looked up - you again are there,
A fleeting vision, the quintessence
Of all that`s beautiful and rare.
         - A Magic Moment I Remember
          Alexander Pushkin

27) Whenever Beauty looks,
Love is also there;
Whenever beauty shows a rosy cheek
Love lights Her fire from that flame.
When beauty dwells in the dark folds of night
Love comes and finds a heart
entangled in tresses.
Beauty and Love are as body and soul.
Beauty is the mine, Love is the diamond.
          - All Through Eternity
          Rumi

28) is the lasting beauty:
its lips give to drink
of the water of life.
Truly it is the water,
that which pours,
and the one who drinks.
          The Beauty of the Heart
          Rumi

29) What is love? 'Tis not hereafter;
Present mirth hath present laughter;
What's to come is still unsure:
In delay there lies not plenty;
Then, come kiss me, sweet and twenty,
Youth's a stuff will not endure.
          - O Mistress Mine
          William Shakespeare

30) Again and again, however we know the landscape of love
and the little churchyard there, with its sorrowing names,
and the frighteningly silent abyss into which the others
fall: again and again the two of us walk out together
under the ancient trees, lie down again and again
among the flowers, face to face with the sky.
         - The Landscape of Love
          Rainer Maria Rilke

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